Email Signatures

Another feature of living in this here electronic age that no science fiction writer ever envisioned: the email signature.

An email signature is like a mini mix tape for your friends. It's a slice of personal philosophy, a dry little slab of your beliefs. A signature can be any dang thing at all. It can be something funny a friend said, something no one else has ever thought before you did, a line from a comic, a song lyric, a verse from the bible, a quote from a writer or the theme song to Gilligan's Island.

A couple of times a year I get a compliment from an email recipient that mentions my choice of signature somewhere in the email. Usually near the end. You know, after all the important stuff has be relayed they say, "Hey, I liked that quote at the end of your email. Rock on, homey." It makes me feel good all over. I feel like I have enriched someone's day as much as a full body massage would enrich mine.

I makes my day when I get complimented on my signature. Getting a positive response to a new signature makes me cry like those researchers did at Alamogordo. It warms my tummy like a bowl of oatmeal. It tingles my toes like I have been sitting cross-legged for twenty minutes. It choaks me up like a mouthful of saltwater. Perks me up like a shot of Cuervo. Makes me spin like a spinnin' wheel. Rocks me like a hurricane. Ungulates my hemoglobin like Madonna disrobin'.

Anyway, the next time you get an email from me and signature is new you better tell me how much you like it or, so help me god, we will never speak again.