6/30/2002

We bought fireworks today in South Carolina. We are going to celebrate our country's disappearing freedom by shooting off illegal fireworks during drought conditions.

Chris and Wendell have been lighting single firecrackers inside plastic Mountain Dew bottles. Sometimes it hard to get some people to go outside for anything.

Global Combat. We never really knew ya.

I done got back from Chicago at 6 pm on Saturday. Long car trips squashed in to a much too small period of time are categorized in that strange region next to, boot camp, reggae road trips, drunken trips to Myrtle Beach and well-intentioned trips to Mexico and other areas of South Carolina: humorously recountable but, when rationally viewed, hard to justify.

But, when such advenutres are analyzed from the spiritual portion of your brain, they are unquestionable.

In the previous entry I mentioned I was on my way to Wrigley Field. I went. Recounting that will take some thought.

Hey, I'm in Chicago. Actually, I'm in Downers Grove where a friend grew up. Small fucking world, eh?

We are leaving for the northside of Chicago soon to eat an unhealthy breakfast and go to a Cubs' game.

On the way up here I noticed the smog that sits over Charlotte seems to extend through Kentucky and into southern Indiana. The air actually cleared up as we approached Chicago. Figure that out.

North of Indianappolis we left the interstate. As we got within 120 miles of Chicago the interstate was just full of trucks filling up both lanes. We had had enough of dealing with those bastards so hit a state highway that paralelled the interstate. It's amazing you can actually see things once you get off the interstate. We enjoyed the drive so much that is the way we are going to go back tomorrow. Fuck the interstates.

It was in the upper 80's yesterday. I can't express how disappointed I was that it was just as hot in Chicagoland as it was in Charlotte. The air was cleaner and that counts for something, I reckon.

Helped a couple of friends move last night. Wendell and I got there in time for the unloading which is so much easier than the loading. Like most moving days the evening degenerated into a beer fest with Lenny exhuding much pleasure that all the "big stuff" was now moved.

Lenny and Jill have a cool backyard in their home and I can't wait for the horsehoe pitching to start. The backyard is completely shaded and even on the warmest days the pitching should take place.

I am heading out tomorrow on a road trip to Chicago. I just got done ordering tickets to the Thursday afternoon Cubs game. I am very excited about going to Wrigley Field. I haven't been to a major league baseball since the spring of 1990 in San Diego. After Wrigley I will have to set my sites on Fenway.

John Stewart just said it's easier to get kicked out of Guns 'n' Roses than get kicked out of the priesthood.

Security, Security, look at all the goddamn security.

It's Saturday. I'm working. It's cool, it gives me time to work on my paper that is due Monday. I took a trek at about ten am to drop a letter off at the imitation post office inside Bank of America's giant granite cock. Inside is a nice non-secular mural and all the security guards in the world. Where did all these hillbillies and recovering drug addicts work before September 11th, 2001? This fake war on terrorism has been a boon to those people who spend their life standing in doorways with their hands folded in front of their crotches. Given the women with acne scars a new lease on their self esteem. Given old retired storekeepers a reason to get up in the morning. And, most importantly, it's placed these most useful of Americans inside huge towers where they will be safe instead of having to stand outside convenience stores breathing Charlotte's bad air and getting emphysema. All this security may be a nuisance but it has allowed the fat guy with the Rollie Fingers moustache to buy a new truck.

John Stewart is funnier that Dennis Miller.
Dennis Miller is funnier than Letterman.
John Stewart's Daily Show comes on at 11:00
Letterman comes on at 11:35.
Miller comes on once a week for about half the year at 11:30.

None of them feature women on trampolines or one-eyed pimps.

Product Awareness

At the building down the street from where I work the nice folks at Baskin Robbins have occupied the afternoons of tweny individuals so that the drones of center city can have free ice cream. Them guys at Baskin Robbins sure are generous. They gave me free ice cream and asked for nothing in return.

If I had to spend my afternoon handing out free ice cream to those cubicle inhabiting, stretch pant wearin', flower print sportin' yayhoos that pour out of that building during lunch at the bottom of each serving you would find a free sample of glass shavings.

Creative Capital Punishment

How about you take two guys. Each guy has his hands tied behind his back and his two feets tied together. Then you put a heavy leather strap around their heads which has a big metal spike sticking out of it. You place the spike over the forehead. Then you point the two convicts towards each other and they try to peck each to death. Winner gets to go free. This would be a great preliminary to a Tyson fight. If we got lucky Tyson might even end up as one of these murderous roosters. Don King would make billions and what's good for Don King will drag the rest of us into a fiery pit.

Headline of the year (so far):

"Court Bans Executions of the Retarded."

I can sleep better now knowing that we are no longer killing by proxy those that are unable to tell between right and wrong. Maybe someday we will stop executions all together. I've said this before, we either need to go directly to the Running Man scenario or stop state sponsored murder. Either we make it fun and allow the state to make extra revenues off it or we forget about it. George Carlin can be the state's consultant. He's got lots of good ideas on how to creatively kill people.