July 11, 2002

Today I was accused of looking like a roadie for Bon Jovi. Is it because I'm fat or because I have long hair or because I'm old, fat and have long hair? Maybe Rogan accuses me of looking like a roadie for Bon Jovi because he secretly admires Bon Jovi and is really giving me a compliment. Maybe he's in love with me and I should watch my ass when he's around. Maybe he used to give members of Bon Jovi hummers when he was in high school and they were nobodies. How many licks does it take to get spandex pants off a heavy metal drummer? We'll probably never know but I bet Rogan could tell us.